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The Four Rules of Confrontation


​We talk a lot at HPG about the Four Rules of Confrontation.  Many people cringe when they hear the word “confrontation,” but our contention is that disagreement and differences of opinion are normal parts of being human.

Confrontation means bringing those differences out into the open and examining them, communicating openly, and reaching mutually agreeable solutions.  It doesn’t have to be violent or even argumentative if we use a few simple tools.

Honesty allows us to fairly assess a situation and make reality-based decisions.  If we try to hide ourselves or what’s going on, it becomes increasingly difficult to reach good solutions.

Necessity asks: does it need to be said?  Does it need to be said now?  Does it need to be said by me?

Kindness guides us to be generous, sympathetic, compassionate, and gentle when discussing difficult topics. It also reminds us to approach situations with curiosity rather than judgement, to understand the other’s point of view.

When we speak honestly, openly, and directly from our own First Person perspective, it disarms argument. No one can say that our understanding, or the things that happen to us, are untrue. It also leads us to ask about the other’s perspective and experiences so that we can come to a mutually beneficial way of moving forward. 

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