“Food is the unifying fabric of humanity, connecting us to the Earth and each other.”  ~ Chef Ed Kenney

If you think about it, eating together is one of the main ways we mark life’s big and small moments.  We eat together at holidays. Someone once told me that every Jewish holiday can be summarized as, “Someone tried to kill us. We survived.  Let’s eat.” In the US we have a whole holiday that’s really become just about the joy of eating together – Thanksgiving.  Weddings and funerals and everything in between. 

When we want to get to know someone – first dates, new mothers-in-law, co-workers – we have lunch, dinner, or tea.  There’s something about having a meal together that breaks down barriers.  The Bible tell us, “It's hard to remain enemies when you've broken bread together.”

Obviously, humans are social animals. We work best as part of a community. Studies have shown that companies that have a strong community are some of the most innovative and successful. People feel energized and committed, and the bottom line reflects that.  (I could go on a rant about the quality of food that a company provides as a reflection of how much the company values community and its employees, but I’ll save that for another time.)

When families eat together regularly they have better health and less conflict.  Kids have better grades and better self-esteem.  Another recent study showed that drug addicts can be cured by being made to feel part of a community.

Eating together is a great way to build or celebrate community. Who are you going to have lunch with today?

Whether in the workplace, or beyond, community fosters our most powerful affiliations and births some of our biggest challenges. 

 



We may work for the same organization, but the communities within it can have vastly different values. It is not unusual for sales and marketing to say that the development folks are too fixed on perfection and process. “They’ll make us late.” Conversely, engineers assess the client-facing folks as a bit rash and facile. “They just want a half-baked product.”

It also happens in small communities, like home, for example:

“She’s got to examine every option – she gets lost in the choices.”
“He’s so impulsive; he acts without thinking it through.”

Who’s right? Both. What’s missing? Perhaps lack of appreciation and the ability to flex. 

Appreciation starts with self – what are my strengths and how can I leverage them? In what contexts might they be counter-productive? Building self-awareness is crucial. With it, we can capitalize on what makes us great. And, identify where we can refine our approach, as in those challenging scenarios, above.

In learning about the advantages and short-comings of our own style, we also gain insight into that of others’. The lesson: no one’s got the corner on the all-time perfect approach.

But, awareness needs motivation for change to occur. How much do I want this relationship to work? Am I willing to shape my presentation to be well received, to build greater understanding?

If you need to find what the payback is for you, these might help:

·  You negotiate a release date with an acceptable level of completion
·  Your partner/spouse finds you more willing to understand their perspective
·  That new prospect says that “you’re on the same page” and signs.
· The volunteers on your neighborhood committee think your presentation hits home. They move forward with your new idea.

Sound like success? We think so.


The Holistic Performance Group can help you build self-awareness and give you practical strategies for productive communication. We use a variety of assessments that provide insight into personal communication style, conflict resolution, and influencing strategies.